BECOMING CAPTAIN AWESOME (based on a true story) by Laura LeHew

Hello my name is Greg, prepare to die. Hello my name is Greg Smith prepare to die. BORING! Hello my name is James. James Kirk. James T. Kirk, commander of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Been done. 00—Bond? Devon Christian Woodcomb, M.D. Ryan McPartlin, the actor portraying my bill-paying alter ego? I could get a hot chick.

Oh oh, I know! Forget the actors and their pseudonyms, I am Awesome! Captain Awesome. Awesome comma Captain. Mr. Captain (no middle initial) Awesome. Someday there’ll be a Mr. and Mrs. Captain (no middle initial) Awesome. Followed very shortly by Captain Jack Sparrow Awesome, Han Solo Awesome, Harry Potter, Captain Malcolm Reynolds Awesome, Clarice Starling Awesome, Ellen Ripley Awesome, Buffy The-Vampire-Slayer Awesome, and baby Lady Gaga Awesome.

I’m from Eugene, Oregon and I am no sheep, you can take that to the bank.

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That is too my signature. Is so.

LAURA LEHEW is an award winning poet with 250 poems appearing over 100 national and international journals and anthologies such as Alehouse, Filling Station, Gargoyle Magazine, The Line Up, Pank, Perceptions, and the 2010 edition of the Syracuse Cultural Workers’ Women Artists Datebook. Her chapbook, Beauty, Tiger’s Eye Press, 2009 is in its 3rd printing. Laura received her MFA in writing from the California College of the Arts, writing residencies from Soapstone and the Montana Artists Refuge, interned for CALYX Journal and was nominated for a Pushcart prize. She edits Uttered Chaos www.utteredchaos.org and was guest editor for The Medulla Review. Laura has one husband, eight cats [Nikita (la Femme), Tessa, Mr. Socks, Baby, Dorian (yes he is grey), and the Army of Darkness (Raven, Shadow and Smoke)] and never sleeps.

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